Desensitized

When you're young, there are plenty of things you haven't done much, or ever. They're enticing, exciting, unnerving. As you grow older, many of these things become boring. 

Maybe it's normal, there's nothing exciting in something which you already know the outcome. Maybe it just needs a change in context. Holding your crush hand will probably make you nervous, but not after she becomes your girlfriend and you've done it a few times; then again, if you fall in love with a new person, you'd be nervous to hold this new person's hand. I don't know, it's just an example.

It may have something to do with me trying really hard to not feel anything. Feelings make us weak, anyway. That's why I've come to a point where I've mentalized myself so I don't feel embarrased about plenty of things, and I don't give importance to many things. It's nice not having to worry so much about stuff, but it also makes life really dull at times.

21/jan/2023

I keep thinking about my little friend losing her tickle sense. It can feel good, it can be a torture, but she trained herself not to feel anything. Now she misses the feeling. Sometimes, I miss feeling too.